The Heist

Along with producer Ryan Lewis, Seattle rapper Macklemore has broken out in the last few months with debut studio album The Heist. His stop at SXSW was a packed schedule of day parties and showcases, packed largely due to his single “Thrift Shop.” We wish Macklemore would have spoken with us on thrifting fashion —  but he didn’t. So our imagined interview with him covers his upcoming used clothing line and the economics behind being a fashionista and all around “cold-ass honky.”

Longhorn Life: Since “Thrift Shop” has become a massive success, sales in second-hand stores have skyrocketed. How do you feel about your influence on people wearing clothes that smell like stale urine and old burritos?

Not Macklemore: Good, damn good. Looking fresh to death doesn’t mean your clothes actually have to be sanitarily fresh, or clean at all for that matter. If you look dope in that $2 bathrobe with mysterious white stains on it, who cares what it smells like? It’s just two dollars well spent in my opinion.

LL:  You’ve made cheap but flashy fur coats part of your thrifty fashion trend. How do you feel about animal rights groups that villainize those who sport fur coats?

NM: Murdering animals for fashion purposes has been done since the beginning of time. What do you think cavemen wore? Bleached denim? No, they carved up a deer or a buffalo or something and wore the parts they didn’t eat to keep warm. If cave people knew that for 13 dollars they could walk out of a thrift store and be able to keep their families from freezing to death during the winter season, they’d be amazed at how much modern society’s taking this for granted.

LL: What’s the best deal you’ve ever gotten at a thrift shop?

NM: I once scored a fedora covered in different characters from Dragon Ball Z for 50 cents. The inside was kind of sticky, but hey,  you can’t argue with economics. 

LL: Paisley or argyle?

NM: That’s easy, cause everyone knows there’s no doper item of clothing than a pair of paisley cut-offs.

LL: When did you first cut your hair in that style?

NM: Well, I have a rare type of male pattern baldness that allows me to grow hair on the top of my head, but not the right and left side. Thanks for pointing out the receding hairline on the sides of my skull for everyone to see, asshole.

LL: How many 20s are in your pocket now after topping the charts?

NM: Still just one bill, I didn’t forget where I came from. All the money I make from my music goes to paying people to burglarize nursing homes so we can take their clothes and put them back into circulation in thrift shops. Can’t let the elderly hog all the fashion accessories. It’s my way of giving back to the people, you know?

LL: My granddad’s clothes are not available to be worn by rappers. I don’t care how incredible you think you may look in his hand-me-downs. Those are supposed to be for me. This is not a question, just stay away from grandpa.

NM: Can’t make any promises. I love cardigan sweaters previously worn by grandfathers. What size shirt is he?

LL: After your tour ends, what’s next?

NM: I figure I gotta have my own clothing line since every rapper has one these days: Wu-Tang, Diddy, Odd Future, etc. I’m going to open up a chain of Macklemore Thriftwear shops, and the way they’ll work is you mail me a box of all your old clothes, I take the ones I want to wear for myself and then I sell the rest at the store for $10 or less; 10-dollar imported seal fur jackets, 10-dollar tuxedos, 10-dollar wedding dresses, you name it. No one will beat the price or swag-level of Macklemore Thriftwear.